badfinger

hi there,

it's not marcel nebeling (aka badfinger) himself who is writing this to you. it's me, michael, his brother. today, i'm writing you for my brother. i'm very sad to let you know that he died on june 24 this year. he was 30.

some of you may not know that he got a heart transplant in december 1998 after having fought for his life for 21 years. he has experienced much better quality of living since then, probably with his best times from 2003 to 2006. with the new heart he was able to finish his studies, find work, and live on his own in his own appartment in augsburg.

now in the year 2008 he was in the 10th year with his new heart. nobody has ever thought that he would ever make it that long. except for he himself, me his brother, and our mother. there are not many people in this world who manage to live that long with the complications he has had.

looking back at his life and everything he has achieved, all the nice things he has put up here and on various other blogs, the way he smiled, the way he lived, the way he expressed feelings and the way he went into discussions, all this makes us feel the big loss. but all this also makes us proud of him.

one of marcel's quotes is "Dream your life 'til it comes true...". i'm here to say he has lived his life until it came true. there are so many things i have learned from marcel and the way he lived his life. but the most important lesson to me still is how to enjoy your life given that you only have another 10 years.

it was very important to me and my mother that we say good bye to all his friends on deviantart. he has had a very good time posting stuff on here and was happy about all the positive feedback that he has received. my mother and i, we have created a website in his name: we will collect all of his work and post it on www.marcel-nebeling.de.

thanks to you all!

all the best,
michael and karin

p.s. we would be happy if this account was not cancelled by deviantart due to inactivity.

LOSING YOU (it's actually from December07, but it still is true!)



When the world fades to gray,
When the time seems to stay
Endless and full of ache
When you call me a loser
When you become the totally refuser
Don't you see what's happening?
What's done so far?

Didn't I say that I stay at your side?
Didn't I do what I promised you,
But you are just flying away like a bird,
And don't you see you make my heart hurt?

So you call me a Loser?
See what you've done to me,
But I'm not the loser,
I'm just losing you,
And its sad... but true.

But the game one plays always in two ways,
If you leave you lose always.
It isn't done yet,
So if you reconsider baby,
If you understand what you are about to do,
You can save us from breaking up
Giving everything away,
So I ask you... Don't you wanna stay?

If not so you say good bye,
Leave it behind, like everything you do,
If its over, its over for me too...

So you just cut me down! So you just try to slow me down? Ok! You try to stop me, do leave on the road, dead! NO YOU CANT STOP ME! For every punch in the gut, for every smack in the face, I will stand up, will rise and start anew! You can't stop me!

Sometimes you have to have the faith into yourself to push on for change, even if it is to find your way back on the road. So I tell you the truth, cause truth be told, I don't want to hold it back, so you may think better of me as I am.

In 2007 I led a life that was like the typical "go down with hellfire" kinda way. It was like AC/DC's Highway to hell and it was that I coudln't see the difference anymore. I know it may seem trivial, because people have done things much more threatening to their lives, but I guess for mine it was enough.

I have drunken too much and I have partied too much, I had to tell lies to cover my actions, I got angry at the false persons, I lost my family nearly even if I really love them dearly. This all had so many effects, that now in 2008 it is still hard to walk on, but the hope for change pushes me on. I can now tell you, that I found my way back. Sure the ice is still thin, but I'm in the right fighting mood and I have the feeling, that I do the right decisssions again.

I know I'm the kinda guy, that needs to feel the dirt between the teeth to get back to normal. There were so many times of silent tears, especially as I discovered my family was right what I did was not good for me. But I hadn't the guts to tell them streight that they were right and so it took for so long.

But now I fight my way back. Yesterday evening, until deep in the night, I browsed through my over 340 pieces of GFXArt and found, that I had something special. There are some pieces I'm really proud of and I see, even if I should have to leave this world tomorow there would be something that I leave, that is good. Like my short stories, but the most important things we leave behind is the scars we leave on people. I have done my share of those and I know that the time will come, when I will feel how those scars hurt.

Right now nothing is really ok. I fear that my trial time for the new job will not be successfull, even as I now push on more then I did ever before. For two weeks now I had around 60 to 70 hours a week of work. And I have to press on!

Also even as this should kinda get me down, make me weak, burn me out, it makes me stronger because I believe I can do what I have to do and that I'm stronger than before. Ok, I admit drinking alcohol had its fun times, and there are several evenings I really treasure. But the downside of all this was, that it really took me down ... totally. I know it may not be wise to tell here what happened, but now it is nearly a year later that I woke up in the emergency station and got told that I had over 3 promile... That was the time, when I discovered, that I wasn't any much better then my always drunk dad, who beat me as a child and who I hate more than anything on this world... except mabye myself for the foolish things I did.

I know this is kinda hard here to tell the truth and I even have to tell you, that I feel the tears right around the corner. But those are not the salty tears of a guy who has given up, but those belong to a young man who got strong and is happy that he found his way back. I have to express my deepest appologies foremost to my mother, who got hurt so much. Even as I know that not every argument was right from her side, even so I know that I did say things that should have been left unspoken, I want to tell the world, that I love her still and that I have now understood what I did wrong. I have only the way of showing that I can do better to get back her trust.

So this is my truth and it is a dirty one. But I will show that even if I got a little sidetracked, I have found my way back. This guy here is learning the hard way, but that is somehow the only way you really get it in your head stuck.

So next time if you see something from me, you may remember this post. That is ok with me, especially as now I have the guts to stay to my mistakes and I admit that I have the faith and power to get back to where I was before... even better, I will change to the one I want to be, a more skillfull, more smarter guy... To the good things (sure there were changes that were good ones in 2007) I want to hold on, want to express them more...

Thank you for your time! This had to be told...

Best regards,
Marcel

So this is the end of the year, of 2007... I just made 16 works in this year and there isn't much of them that I'm really proud of. But the new year is around the corner and I guess I will not look back. Looking forward is the way to go...

I am really looking forward to see me brother again, when he comes from Australia back to Germany. I have made some plans and have goals for the new year. I wish that everything becomes the way it needs to be. I really hope to get back on the road, get back onto what I really want to be. I know it needs time and that this is going on for a bunch of months now... But I have the faith in me, that this 2008 will be the change of everything!

So let there be 2008 and let there be ROCK n ROLL

Best,
Marcel






AND HERE ARE MY GALLERY STATS:



badfinger has 11,755 pageviews total and his 358 deviations were viewed 40,513 times. He watches 73 people, while 57 people watch him.

Overall, his deviations received 1,927 comments and were added to deviants' favourites 390 times, while he commented 3,157 times, making about 1.5 comments per day since he joined DA. This means that he gave 16 comments for every 10 that he received.

His deviation with the most comments is Ice Rose with 28 comments, while his most favourited one is Sadness, with 30 favourites. His most viewed deviation is Sadness with 2,165 views.

2 favourites were given for every 10 comments.

Every 5.8 days he uploads a new deviation, and it's usually on a Saturday, with 68 (19%) of his deviations.

His busiest month was March 2004 with 19 (5%) of his deviations.

The majority of his deviations are uploaded to the Digital Art gallery (182), while his favourite category was Wallpaper > Abstract with 65 deviations.

Comments per deviation: 5.38
Favourites per deviation: 1.08
Views per deviation: 113.16
Comments per day: 0.91
Favourites per day: 0.18
Views per day: 19.33
Pageviews per day: 5.61